How Ready Are You for Your Divorce Journey?
For my forty-fifth birthday, I decided I wanted to summit Mount Langley. It’s one of California’s “14ers” — mountains over 14,000 feet high.
No technical climbing skills were required, but physical conditioning, backpacking ability, navigation skills, and backcountry knowledge were essential. If I was going to summit successfully, I needed to be prepared. Because I wanted a safe, successful, and enjoyable experience, my preparation began almost a year before my actual attempt.
Divorce is also a journey. And if you want a “successful” journey, there are two foundational questions you should honestly ask yourself:
1. Do I want to go on this journey?
2. How ready am I?
DO I WANT TO GO ON THIS JOURNEY?
Unlike summiting a mountain — which you can do alone — divorce always involves two people.
On mountain trails, nearly everyone you meet chose to be there. In divorce, however, only one person needs to decide to begin the process, and both spouses are suddenly on the journey.
Whether you initiated the divorce, feel pulled into it, or reached the decision together, ending a marital relationship is hard.
For many people, deciding whether to divorce is the most difficult part of the process. (My upcoming post on discernment counseling will address this question more deeply.)
HOW READY AM I?
As a family law attorney in Orange County, I have learned that divorce readiness has three sides: emotional, legal, and financial. Before starting your divorce journey, consider the following minimum questions.
EMOTIONAL READINESS QUESTIONS
1. Am I ready to accept that the marriage is completely over?
2. Have we tried counseling? A break?
3. Do I truly want a divorce?
4. Why do I want a divorce?
5. What do I expect to be different afterward?
6. Does my partner want a divorce?
7. If we both want this, do we agree on timing and process?
8. How will we treat each other during the divorce — and afterward?
9. If we have children, what do we want for them? Where will they live, and how will parenting time be shared?
LEGAL READINESS QUESTIONS
1. What is the divorce process in California?
2. What process options are available (litigation, mediation, collaborative divorce)?
3. Do I need an attorney for the entire matter, or limited-scope help?
4. How long does divorce typically take?
5. What are my legal rights and obligations?
6. What outcomes might reasonably occur in my situation?
FINANCIAL READINESS QUESTIONS
1. Am I financially ready to divorce?
2. Can I pay my living expenses during the process? Afterward?
3. If not, will my spouse provide voluntary support — and what if they don’t?
4. If we have children, can I cover their expenses during my parenting time?
5. Where will I live during the divorce and after?
6. If I hire an attorney, what can I realistically afford?
7. Can I take time off work for mediation, negotiation, or court?
8. Do I have independent access to banking accounts and credit cards?
9. Will I need to liquidate assets or borrow funds? Can I?
A REALITY CHECK ON COST AND TIMING
Attorneys are highly trained professionals whose hourly rates commonly range from $200 to $1,000+ per hour. Most firms require an upfront retainer that may range from $3,000 to $25,000 or more, and there is no guarantee the initial deposit will cover the full case.
Courts are heavily impacted. Temporary orders — including support — can take months to obtain, and fully litigated divorces may take years.
FINAL THOUGHTS
In my experience as a peakbagger, some of the smartest decisions I have made were deciding whether to go at all and when conditions were right to start. Timing and preparation often make the difference between a successful summit and a dangerous outcome.
If you are contemplating divorce, give yourself permission to pause and thoughtfully assess your readiness. Only you can decide what is best for your life and your circumstances. The “right” answer for one person may be the wrong answer for another.
Do your research. Speak with qualified professionals. Gather information. Then make the decision that is right for you.
IF YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER
This post is not intended for individuals in life-threatening or abusive relationships who need to leave immediately for their safety. If you are experiencing domestic violence, please seek help right away through available local and national resources.
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Author Note: This article was drafted by Allison Zieman and polished with the assistance of artificial intelligence for clarity and readability. All legal insights and opinions are those of the author.